Sunday, February 7, 2010

The Beginning… The VOW

A year is so long

This past year I met a new friend, we became very close.
This past year Brandis and I got back together and I pushed my friend away.
This past year I gave her a ring, she moved to California. A couple months later she and the boys moved in with me.
This past year she gave me a ring and then we split up. She moved out on her own.
This past year we both started school and we got back together. Then we split up again.
This past year I re-established the friendships that diminished, and met some new friends. This past year my sister had one of the worst days of her life. Then she got a divorce and began to find herself again.
This past year I have watched my niece grow from a toddler into a young woman. We hold grown up conversations.
This past year I fell in love and then fell out, and then fell in love again.
This past year I have slept with three women which are minimal compared to the years before. I wouldn’t change that though.
This past year I felt like I lost my soul, and then began to find it again.
This past year I cried, laughed, kissed and hugged.
This past year I said more hurtful things than I should have.
This past year I figured out who was a true friend and who was not.
This past year I changed my degree twice. I’ve taken nine classes and dropped two.
This past year I drank much less and cried much more than I ever have.
This past year I have been out of work and worked my but off.
This past year I have been in more physical pain than some feel in there life time.
This past year I have been jealous and have not cared.
This past year I’ve felt hate, then hated myself for feeling it.
This past year I got out of the military and I think I regret it.
This past year I’ve lost some weight and gained some weight but still weigh the same.
This past year I’ve gained trust and lost trust. I’ve trusted someone with everything and trusted the same with nothing.
This past year I’ve cursed everyday and given complements not nearly as much.
This past year I’ve spent most of my time with a frown on my face.
This past year I’ve feared age and also feared not seeing the next day.
This past year I’ve fought love and fought to leave.
This past year I’ve fought with my mom and wish I could change that.
This past year I’ve lost myself
This next year…. I’m going to find myself

This next year I am going to be making a lot of changes in my life. Some people know some of what I’m talking about. My “VOW”. Well that’s not the only thing I’m changing. Yes I plan on sustaining from any sexual stimulation for a year. It’s going to be hard but I’m going to do it. I am also going to make some other changes. I’m going to make at least one compliment a day to a stranger. I’m going to not curse as much. I’m going to eat healthier. This means I’m not going to eat candy…as much. I’m going to not drink soda. I’m going to exercise more. I need a way to channel my negative energy, and temptation. Exercise seems best. I want to focus on happy things more. Not the bad ones. I’m sure there is more I just can’t think of right now. I will be updating regularly, to help keep myself on track.

So hear I go. Tomorrow when I wake up I will be waking up to the new me. A new road.

February 1st 2010

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