Friday, July 22, 2011

Going Soft

Going Soft

I swear I’m turning into a girl. Well figurative speaking because I am already a girl. I mean thought why I’m thinking more like a girl than I usually do. I find myself more masculine minded. I think and act like a man. I have feelings and thoughts just like a man would. In the army I used to joke with my male buddies that I had bigger balls than them. Now, well at least today I feel very woman like, sensitive and emotional.
I work in a grocery store. Not very exciting I know but it is a job and it does pay the bills… Well at least some of them. That’s not the point though. Right now we have this promoting going where if you buy groceries you earn one stamp. Ultimately that stamp (if you collect enough) is redeemable for free or very highly discounted pots and pans. Here is the catch; you must buy ten dollars worth of groceries to earn one stamp.
Here is where I find myself girly:
This afternoon…
I was in my check stand checking out customers instead of doing my job, which today would be working the floor. Right now we are understaffed. Today is day I’m not sure of working to many days in a row. I’m tired, sore and probably a little cranky. A friendly old lady came into my line. I did the usual “How are you today? Did you find everything ok?” Then I asked “would you like to Donate to” Blah Blah Blah. She didn’t answer. Her eyes were fixed to the green stamps that were attached to the lanyard that I was putting around my neck. She asked about how to get them. She knew the program and what they are redeemable for just not sure how to get them. I answered quickly “you have to spend ten dollars to get them” She had only spent seven. “Ok” she said with her eyes still fixed to the stamps. She fumbled for money and I gave her, her change and receipt. Wished her a good day and sent her on her way.
No big deal right? Well this is where it gets girly...
If someone would have done to my grandmother what I did to her I would be mad. All she wanted was one little green stamp. We have plenty. People pass on stamps all day long. So there were extras to give. Why didn’t I give her one? That was probably the only reason she had come in today. The guy after her earned four and didn’t want them. I feel like if I would have given her that one stamp she would have smiled. Instead policy got in the way of compassion and humanity. I wish I could tell her sorry and give her, her stamp.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Sewer soup

Sewer soup… There is nothing like walking in from your lunch break and finding yourself wading in pools of sewer water that stretch down the length of the frozen and dairy aisles.
The thought of standing in someone else’s waste products never really sat well with me, however the thought of sanding in a puddle of hundreds of other peoples waste makes me feel downright nasty. Then the smell, oh the foul smell of death and a rotting old man’s cologne about knocked me out.
I’m not sure what was worse, walking thru the puddles of brown slimy water or the thought of accidently slipping and ending up swimming in the mess. I stepped lightly; I pulled my pants up so they didn’t accidently drag thru the stew and splash the mix up my leg.
I needed the floor cleaner. On my way to the back I heard the voice of a young girl ask her mom what that disgusting smell was. I was convinced that the smell was penetrating our entire inventory of fresh food. I got the floor cleaner and started sucking up the mess. The machine moving the sludge around made the smell worse. I became dizzy.
As I got more and more light headed I felt myself lose my footing. I tried to brace on the machine, but as I did I pulled the handle and that made it speed up. I lost one foot and felt the other slipping. I let go of the machine and it surged forward ramming into a rack of jarred pickles. The rack collapsed. Glass, pickle juice and pickles joined the mess of shit that was already on the floor. Soon so would I. I fought the slide of my foot and over did it. Suddenly both my feet were behind me and I could feel myself falling. I looked down at the spot where my body was going to land. There was nothing I could do, nothing to reach for, and nothing to break my fall. I was going down full force and nothing was stopping me.
I threw my hands in front of me to block my fall. Glass tore thru the palm of one hand and a pickle blocked the other causing my wrist to roll. My knees hit with a splash and my thighs followed. Soon my chest was hitting the muck. I made one last attempt to avoid my face hitting the foul liquid but failed. As my lips nose and face hit the soup I let out a grunt that was followed by a sharp inhale, which sucked up sewer shit from hundreds of people and pickle juice into my mouth and lungs.

What a great day to work at a grocery store.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

A new day

July 3, 2011: 2:29am
So it has been well over a year since I have written any type of blog. Well actually it’s been a while since I have written anything that does not involve something technical for my GIS classes. I feel out of place, rusty and full of insecurities. My grammar and spelling show a lack of practice. The words don’t seem to flow like they used to. Every sentence seems like a battle.
So why now, we ask? Is it because I need to vent? Is it because I need to tell someone who really isn’t listening a deep dark secret that has been troubling me for most of my adult life, Or am I just bored silly at 2 O’clock in the morning and I have nothing better to do? I would say none of the above, or maybe all of it. I don’t really know why I have the sudden urge to tell this silly computer what I do in my spare time.
Back then my blog had a purpose. I used it to work out some of the things that were bothering me at that point in my life. That point is so much different than where I am right now. I was reading some of my older posts and couldn’t help but laugh at myself. If I could only show myself a glimpse of the future I wouldn’t believe where I am right now.
Where am I right now? Well, I still live at my parent’s house, even though I have owned my own house since September 2010. Do I have a fear of leaving the comfort of my parent’s home? Maybe, or maybe not. I have an awful lot of work to do at the place and it is very overwhelming. I go over there and look at everything that needs to be done and it makes me sick. My work is never ending. Most of it can be done while I live there. I just have a few humps to cross before I can move in though. The TOXIC mold living in one of the rooms is one of them, the leaking the roof that makes it feel like it is raining is the other. The leak is so bad it is almost like the rain skips the clouds and land directly on my floor. This is the third problem. There is soggy wood all over in that room.
My house is not the only change in my life. I am now engaged to a beautiful woman. She is amazing. She gives me the strength to work my ass off to get where we need to be so we can soon move into the house. With her by my side I feel like I can tackle any obstacle. My vow before was silly. I see that now. Maybe it was good for that part of my life. I think I learned a thing or two.
Now, right here, right now, I have a new direction. I have a new purpose. I just haven’t figured it out yet.
I think that is why I’m back to The Adventures of SMEE …
Ok that was way cheesy…