25 February 2010
So my truck makes this annoying Ding! Ding! Ding! Sound all the time. It’s horrible. I think it’s some type of short or something. Ding ding ding!!! For seven years it has made this stupid Ding ding ding!!! It’s always worse when its hot Ding ding ding!!! The dome light stays on while it Ding ding dings!!! Also. It’s the door ajar alarm. But it stays on when my door is closed Ding ding ding!!! Seven years!!! Seven Ding ding ding!!! Annoying years. Today however with a trusty can of WD40 I fixed it. Yes that simple. No diagnostics! No mechanic! Nope just a freaking can of WD40 in the door latch and my seven year problem is fixed within seconds!!!
Oh some good news. I have had a break in my headaches. Tonight I am headache free. I feel like running ten miles and climbing to the top of Mt Rainer. This is such an awesome feeling. I’m not tired, and I don’t feel like crying. Oh and to make things even better I’m going to go eat some Oscar Meyer cheesy filled wieners. My favorite. Tonight is a great night. I feel like I’m on cloud nine. No headache for me. I hope this sticks!...
Well not to long after I wrote this and before I posted it. I cooked my hotdogs. While fixing them I was crunching on a pickle. I bit the crap out of my tongue ring and broke a chunk of one of my molars off. Freaking great. How do they fix that type of stuff? I swear it’s like one of my most common nightmares come true. My teeth break and then fall out. Well I’m not sleeping now. This sucks.
It’s amazing to me how quickly moods can change. One minute you’re on cloud nine, the next your living one of your nightmares. Crap there goes my perfect teeth. Well I guess its not living in Nevada until your missing teeth right?
CRAP!!!!
I wish I could say a worse word than crap right now!! OOHH stupid VOW!!!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Joke
24 February 2010
So the doctor was a joke. They were so busy he didn’t even give me more than 45 seconds of his time. Hey I guess that’s life in the VA. So instead he gave me some pills and the hope of surviving until my next appointment on the fifth. If my head lasts that long I might not skip out on this appointment. I guess I was supposed to see my primary care in November. I’m so tired of doctors, tests and un-answered questions. I don’t even know why I go. They never figure anything out. They just set up more tests and make me wait…In pain… for another month or two, until they can set up some type of other test.
Screw it. I’m done with the doctors. I’m going to create my own medicine. It involves lots of beer, women, a bagpipe, and an elephant. Ha Ha Ha. Maybe not, but hey it makes me smile just thinking about it.
So my progress, well it’s ok. Life is life. I’m living and learning lessons. I know not to let the drama get the better of me. I’m tired of the drama filled life. I really feel like I’m in an episode of the L-word a lot of the time. I don’t even want to watch that show anymore and it used to be one of my favorites.
Life worth living is a life filled with love right?
So the doctor was a joke. They were so busy he didn’t even give me more than 45 seconds of his time. Hey I guess that’s life in the VA. So instead he gave me some pills and the hope of surviving until my next appointment on the fifth. If my head lasts that long I might not skip out on this appointment. I guess I was supposed to see my primary care in November. I’m so tired of doctors, tests and un-answered questions. I don’t even know why I go. They never figure anything out. They just set up more tests and make me wait…In pain… for another month or two, until they can set up some type of other test.
Screw it. I’m done with the doctors. I’m going to create my own medicine. It involves lots of beer, women, a bagpipe, and an elephant. Ha Ha Ha. Maybe not, but hey it makes me smile just thinking about it.
So my progress, well it’s ok. Life is life. I’m living and learning lessons. I know not to let the drama get the better of me. I’m tired of the drama filled life. I really feel like I’m in an episode of the L-word a lot of the time. I don’t even want to watch that show anymore and it used to be one of my favorites.
Life worth living is a life filled with love right?
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Previously Happy
So I was actually happy at one point in my life. That was so long ago I hardly remember it now. Happiness seems to be only a figment of my imagination. Yes I was happy, before this. I was happy before I made the biggest mistake of my life. Some think it was the best decision of my life, but that is only because they were scared of me. Or really they were scared of what would have happened to me. Little do they know the day I left, “June 30 2006” the day I fulfilled my contract was the worst day of my life. From that point on my life would never be the same again.
The day after the worst day of my life is merely a blur to me. Honestly I only remember bits and pieces. I was so depressed and it was so insignificant to me. That day just doesn’t matter. Neither does any of the days since to be honest. That day there was a BBQ to celebrate my fresh liberation, but I wasn’t much in the celebrating spirit. Instead I got drunk and probably got into a fight. But I don’t remember it. Since then life has honestly sucked.
I have left all of my close friends. I feel like I have abandoned them. Jen and her beautiful spirit. Sarah and her bright smile. My friends then were the closest that I have ever had. I left them to pursue this new wonder full hell I currently call life. I have fought more with my family and friends than ever before. I have nothing but more financial trouble than I ever have in my life. Drama has consumed every part of my soul and I wish I could just let go.
My life started the day I joined the ARMY. My life ended the day I left.
The day after the worst day of my life is merely a blur to me. Honestly I only remember bits and pieces. I was so depressed and it was so insignificant to me. That day just doesn’t matter. Neither does any of the days since to be honest. That day there was a BBQ to celebrate my fresh liberation, but I wasn’t much in the celebrating spirit. Instead I got drunk and probably got into a fight. But I don’t remember it. Since then life has honestly sucked.
I have left all of my close friends. I feel like I have abandoned them. Jen and her beautiful spirit. Sarah and her bright smile. My friends then were the closest that I have ever had. I left them to pursue this new wonder full hell I currently call life. I have fought more with my family and friends than ever before. I have nothing but more financial trouble than I ever have in my life. Drama has consumed every part of my soul and I wish I could just let go.
My life started the day I joined the ARMY. My life ended the day I left.
Monday, February 22, 2010
In response to a question from a friend
Well hmmm
This is a good situation to step back from my "all about me world" and ponder the wonder of a straight women’s mind. I have to admit I am so fascinated by the way you type of women think about things. You guys are your own special and unique breed. That’s not a bad thing. I think it is some of my attraction to straight women.
This man you spend time thinking about, he should be honored that you spend so much time wondering about what exactly his true intentions are. I’m learning about myself that I don’t wonder what women want to do with me. I just go along for the ride.
Now I’m not a man but some men say I’m am manlier than they are. I normally take that as a compliment. I believe with most men there is a time where he looks at himself and thinks. Ok where am I going with my life and what do I want. This happens much later in life for men then women. I believe for women it happens while they are tearing their way out of the womb at full speed ready to take on life. For men however I think it probably happens in there late twenties early thirties. Which is the time most men “or at least they used to” start settling down and have children.
The problem is men are all shapes and sizes and come in many different varieties, and flavors. Not one man is the same as the others.
I would like to say things that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I would like to ease your mind a bit, but I don’t think I can. I can tell you, however what I have seen in my experiences… Which by the way are mostly military experiences.
Men in there early twenties ether get married early and cheat on their wives, or they stay single and screw anything that walks. It is a rare few that marry and actually stay faithful. As they get older the look for “The One” the girl that takes them home and takes care of them. But you and I both know this is a farce. They actually end up finding their equal. When men turn about thirty, or so, if they haven’t found “The One” weather they have been married before or not that stare to get nervous. They get worried that they are going to get old and become in adequate. They become foolish and reckless, and jump into situations that may not normal. As they get older they start to have the mid life crisis situation where they become extremely reckless. I think I lost my point now.
My point is where ever this man is in his life will dictate what he wants from you. Does he live in his own place? If he dose he might be looking for long term. If he lives with roommates or with his parents or someone else chances are he is still just looking for a good time. Dose he have a stable job he has been working at for a wile now, or dose he jump around from job to job still? A stable job indicates he is looking at his long term goals. Unless he just likes money. How dose he act with you around friends? Dose he introduce and make it known that you are on his mind and make it a point to show he is there with you or at least interested? Or does he just chill and let you do your own thing? Leaving you to yourself shows independence and maybe not looking for the long tern.
With my couple of weeks to clear my head I haven’t found all the answers, or any answers for that matter. I’m not sure why I’m really doing it. I’m more confused now than when I started it seems. But my advice would be to take things day by day. What ever is supposed to happen will happen. If you enjoy him and he enjoys you. Then enjoy your time now. And if there is a future between you this time will help it grow. If there is not… Well hey at least you had a good time while it lasted right.
This probably dose not help your situation, but maybe it gave you something to read while you were bored.
Have a great day
Amy
This is a good situation to step back from my "all about me world" and ponder the wonder of a straight women’s mind. I have to admit I am so fascinated by the way you type of women think about things. You guys are your own special and unique breed. That’s not a bad thing. I think it is some of my attraction to straight women.
This man you spend time thinking about, he should be honored that you spend so much time wondering about what exactly his true intentions are. I’m learning about myself that I don’t wonder what women want to do with me. I just go along for the ride.
Now I’m not a man but some men say I’m am manlier than they are. I normally take that as a compliment. I believe with most men there is a time where he looks at himself and thinks. Ok where am I going with my life and what do I want. This happens much later in life for men then women. I believe for women it happens while they are tearing their way out of the womb at full speed ready to take on life. For men however I think it probably happens in there late twenties early thirties. Which is the time most men “or at least they used to” start settling down and have children.
The problem is men are all shapes and sizes and come in many different varieties, and flavors. Not one man is the same as the others.
I would like to say things that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I would like to ease your mind a bit, but I don’t think I can. I can tell you, however what I have seen in my experiences… Which by the way are mostly military experiences.
Men in there early twenties ether get married early and cheat on their wives, or they stay single and screw anything that walks. It is a rare few that marry and actually stay faithful. As they get older the look for “The One” the girl that takes them home and takes care of them. But you and I both know this is a farce. They actually end up finding their equal. When men turn about thirty, or so, if they haven’t found “The One” weather they have been married before or not that stare to get nervous. They get worried that they are going to get old and become in adequate. They become foolish and reckless, and jump into situations that may not normal. As they get older they start to have the mid life crisis situation where they become extremely reckless. I think I lost my point now.
My point is where ever this man is in his life will dictate what he wants from you. Does he live in his own place? If he dose he might be looking for long term. If he lives with roommates or with his parents or someone else chances are he is still just looking for a good time. Dose he have a stable job he has been working at for a wile now, or dose he jump around from job to job still? A stable job indicates he is looking at his long term goals. Unless he just likes money. How dose he act with you around friends? Dose he introduce and make it known that you are on his mind and make it a point to show he is there with you or at least interested? Or does he just chill and let you do your own thing? Leaving you to yourself shows independence and maybe not looking for the long tern.
With my couple of weeks to clear my head I haven’t found all the answers, or any answers for that matter. I’m not sure why I’m really doing it. I’m more confused now than when I started it seems. But my advice would be to take things day by day. What ever is supposed to happen will happen. If you enjoy him and he enjoys you. Then enjoy your time now. And if there is a future between you this time will help it grow. If there is not… Well hey at least you had a good time while it lasted right.
This probably dose not help your situation, but maybe it gave you something to read while you were bored.
Have a great day
Amy
Friday, February 19, 2010
Ouch YO!!!
19 February 2010
So day four or five with the headache now. I’m tired and cranky. I’m tired of my freaking head hurting. Ok it hurts so bad I can’t write tonight. Maybe tomorrow. If this isn’t gone by Monday I’m going to the doctor.
So day four or five with the headache now. I’m tired and cranky. I’m tired of my freaking head hurting. Ok it hurts so bad I can’t write tonight. Maybe tomorrow. If this isn’t gone by Monday I’m going to the doctor.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Monjormus
18 February 2010
Day three… Or is it four? Living with this Monjormus headache is killing me. (Monjormus is a combination of Monstrous and Gynormus) (Gynormus is a combination of Gigantic and Enormous) This headache has made me cranky. I have missed two classes, and I’m grouchy. Now its working its way into my neck which leads me to believe it is just a Monjormus tension headache. I have eaten sugar with no relief. Caffeine should not be an issue at this point, and the no glucose thing shouldn’t be an issue either. I had a bun tonight as an experiment. Actually I found that instead of my normal three hot dogs I can only barely finish one. Woohoo!! Honestly it’s not a hot dog without the bun.
So my only thought is that the lack of frustration relief is now affecting me physically. Is this headache a tension headache that is being caused because I can’t relieve certain frustrations??? Hmmm I wonder. I am going to have to do some research now. Can the lack of “sexual stimulation” cause physical pain? I only wonder this because I had a bit of a slipup two nights ago and my headache was gone for a couple hours. It wasn’t with someone. I was alone and it was quick. But were the hormones it released enough to relieve my headache? This is even more curious thinking back now because in Iraq when I was in situations where I couldn’t release I came down with what I thought were crazy migraines. I just thought it was the heat. The more I ponder this issue the more I remember times where I went without, and I remember the times I suffered long term painful, almost migraine type headaches and I think the timelines match up. I may have to go talk to my doctor about this… This vow may be hazardous for my health. Oh No!!!
Day three… Or is it four? Living with this Monjormus headache is killing me. (Monjormus is a combination of Monstrous and Gynormus) (Gynormus is a combination of Gigantic and Enormous) This headache has made me cranky. I have missed two classes, and I’m grouchy. Now its working its way into my neck which leads me to believe it is just a Monjormus tension headache. I have eaten sugar with no relief. Caffeine should not be an issue at this point, and the no glucose thing shouldn’t be an issue either. I had a bun tonight as an experiment. Actually I found that instead of my normal three hot dogs I can only barely finish one. Woohoo!! Honestly it’s not a hot dog without the bun.
So my only thought is that the lack of frustration relief is now affecting me physically. Is this headache a tension headache that is being caused because I can’t relieve certain frustrations??? Hmmm I wonder. I am going to have to do some research now. Can the lack of “sexual stimulation” cause physical pain? I only wonder this because I had a bit of a slipup two nights ago and my headache was gone for a couple hours. It wasn’t with someone. I was alone and it was quick. But were the hormones it released enough to relieve my headache? This is even more curious thinking back now because in Iraq when I was in situations where I couldn’t release I came down with what I thought were crazy migraines. I just thought it was the heat. The more I ponder this issue the more I remember times where I went without, and I remember the times I suffered long term painful, almost migraine type headaches and I think the timelines match up. I may have to go talk to my doctor about this… This vow may be hazardous for my health. Oh No!!!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Funk
16 February 2010
Writers block today, and all week. I am supposed to write something for my English class. It’s due tomorrow. I’m at a loss though. I have no inspiration or motivation to write something productive right now. Is this writer’s block? It must be. It sucks. Even tonight I’m having troubles trying to find something to write about.
My sister made me gluten free Mac and cheese. It was ok, a little grainy though. Now I have a crazy headache. I wonder if there is a connection. Probably not. It’s probably just because I’m trying so hard to pull a story out of my brain that just doesn’t want to come out. Man I hope I get out of this funk soon!
Writers block today, and all week. I am supposed to write something for my English class. It’s due tomorrow. I’m at a loss though. I have no inspiration or motivation to write something productive right now. Is this writer’s block? It must be. It sucks. Even tonight I’m having troubles trying to find something to write about.
My sister made me gluten free Mac and cheese. It was ok, a little grainy though. Now I have a crazy headache. I wonder if there is a connection. Probably not. It’s probably just because I’m trying so hard to pull a story out of my brain that just doesn’t want to come out. Man I hope I get out of this funk soon!
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